Monday, March 17, 2014

A honey badger mama...that's me! via Werdsmith

When you hear people describe themselves as single parents, generally, at least to me, a frumpy, 50 year old with a 21 year old son with autism doesn't exactly jump to mind. But, well, here I am...the poster frump for single moms of adult children with developmental challenges.

What else can I say?

There have been so many heart wrenching struggles since we came back from our home in Jerusalem last year. My ex stole my son from me. Because my son is what I call a "pure soul" - what else could he do but go with his father? He was the child, after all, he had to obey.

I got him back in July and have had him since. I got him back despite my panic attacks and suicidal bouts of depression because he was all I thought of - his well being, his happiness, his soul.

I know he was happy to be with me. We had a summer filled with trips to the beach and baseball games with the Miracle League. Fall found us in the Adirondacks. My boyfriend filled a fatherly void Evan had felt acutely.

I saw that face and that smile and heard that giggle every day and u knew we had done he right thing.

But Evan still felt that, morally, he had an obligation to have what he called "a relationship" with his dad. He didn't know how to sort through the burning, raging anger he felt towards his dad to get to that point but he and his therapist worked diligently.

Finally at Christmas Evan spent time with his dad and his dad's family on Christmas Eve.

Too bad his cousin felt the need to tell HER boyfriend how "weird" Evan was while Evan stood there.

(Some people just aren't raised right I guess. Sad but so true - especially when there are challenged people in the family.)

Anyway, that went okay but Evan had a list of rules, dos and donts. We made him give a copy to his dad so everyone was clear but that didn't work.

When Evan said no overnights - his dad didn't have a conversation with our child without pressuring him to spend the night. I knew Evan was afraid if being stolen when we first came home, his father took him and that was that. I couldn't talk to or see him.

Well, we have continued therapy. And just when we thought we had an agreement we ALL could be happy about, Evan's father pulled the rug out from under his child again and texted US that he needed a break; that 5 hours wasn't enough time every other week; that he was emotionally and physically exhausted by all of this and was taking an unspecified break.


I'm sure you can imagine that when we let Ev know he launched into the stratosphere fueled by an anger and fury unimaginable! And yes, that's what happened.

Then his father decided his break was over (after a week - wtf?!) and said he'd be attending therapy with Evan.

So tonight the rage boiled over. Evan called his dad and while my kid is too polite and nice, he basically told him he didn't want to see him again. Evan said he would call him sometime after he told him he was done with him. I asked him why he'd say that if he was truly done? He said it was what people said when they knew they'd never call again and he thinks his dad knew that.

We will see.

So I am the single mom now even though sometimes he does call my boyfriend "dad" every so often.

I know I have an adult child and I know I should care that he has a relationship with his dad but honestly I don't. I don't want my son to struggle with another year of fury and false hope and promises never kept. A year filled with words from a father who cares more about HIS emotional health than that of his son who obviously is suffering.

He needs a father who only wants to see his face, see his smile and hear his laugh everday.

He doesn't deserve this, my boy. He deserves so much, much more than the fuckmuppetry he gets.

Mama Badger is peeking out of the nest and you can rest assured, she cannot keep quiet and working a dual agenda that can never be reconciled for much longer.

This Mama must protect her cub, her baby. No more protecting the interloper.

Created with Werdsmith.

Sent from my iPhone

1 comment:

  1. I don't understand how parents can do that with their child. It seem so strange to me that his father would take a break. Poor Evan. It is nice that you both have so much support in Scott.


I am fragile - please be kind or just say nothing. I thank you very much.