- If you could be graded in any made-up subject you wish, what would you get an "A" in?
I had to think a lot about this. For example I m the crown princess at obsessing. Whether it's over the car breaking down, or my cookies being an epic an utter fail, or that the laundry and dishes aren't done by the time Scott pulls in and dinner isn't even started. In this example I intellectually know he is okay with my failure but inside I am not okay with it.
Another thing I gave down pat is worrying that the covers are perfectly straight on the bed and tucked in properly on the bottom do they don't pull out. Wanna make me bat shit crazy? Give me messy sheets at the bottom if the bed.
Still more...I can't sleep if the thermostat is over 63 and I am stealth at making sure it is every night.
I am a world class Olympic caliber worrier and I think that's where I'd take my A and my gold. I worry about everything from the abject fear if making phone calls to what people think of me. I worry when a letter comes I have to deal with and I just can't right now. I worry over dinner. I worry the car will break down or we will get a ticket because the brake lights aren't working. Not that we drive more than a square mile but still. I worry that my debit card will fail. I worry that my son is lonely and needs me and I can't emotionally be there sometimes. I worry that the electric kettle takes 3 times to boil and that I over broiled the roast and ruined dinner. I worry that it's snowing and I worry that it's not. I worry I have books to read and can't. I worry that I have Ravellenics projects to do and I worry I might not be able to. I worry I may never be diagnosed and I may be like this forever.
The fact if the matter is I worry and if I can't find anything worthwhile to worry about, I can assure you I will find something worthy to worry about if only until the next best worrying contender comes along.
So with these creds how could I not get an A? Sure I love to sleep but as Scott pointed out my dreams are too disturbing to sleep deeply and therefore I don't which disqualifies me from my A in sleep.
I do know trivia but so does everyone else these days. I do wish we could find a bar with trivia night so we could play. I liked that in Israel and I would love it with Scott here. I'd worry less if we could find something like this.
I think I am realizing that my old life is dead and gone and I worry about how to start over at my sge. How to fit in, find friends and start to live again.
So that is, in a nutshell, my reasoning for my A. In worrying although I worry I may not worry well enough to get that A but for now, it's all I've got.