Wet Floors via Werdsmith

 have three boys living in the house so I get wet spots around the toilet. It's gross and nasty and I'd never put my toes in my mouth (as if) but I get it.

Today, I am a little more than grossed out and very curious.

Wet spot by toilet- check.

Wet spot on landing heading up stairs to bedrooms?

What the hell....?

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Baby, it's cold outside!

Its cold.  I actually dreamed of a friend who is at a research station in the Antartic like it was normal.  The furnace stops running only at night and only because I can't sleep when it's hot so I turn it down to 64F.  Of course I do pump it up later when I get up but wow.

I have never had forced air heat before except for one short year in my previous life.  I always had electric baseboard heat or radiator heat.  Last winter all I had was portable space heaters which weren't really heat at all.

The thing I have discovered about forced air heat is that it dries you out. Every part of you.  My nose, my sinuses, even my skin and I am so itchy I can barely stand it!

Last night I put baby oil on after my shower before I dried off but by the time I was in bed...dried out and itchy.

I put lotion on my hands and then smooth my hair down.  I fold clothes which I washed with fabric softener and they stick to my shirt.

Next week is supposed to be colder.  Weather bug has an igloo icon that just seems to be a permanent fixture.  I mean, holy crap!  Schroon Lake, high in the Adirondacks doesn't even have a permanent igloo!!!!

Now is when you want warm casseroles for dinner followed by warm cookies or cobblers and hot cups of tea all day long!    I can't even look at a glass if cold water and consider drinking it.  I'm going to try yoga today but I am considering staying under the warm covers for a while!!!

Time Flies

I can't believe it's been almost 20 days since I last blogged.  Time flies I guess.  In this time I have discovered:

I rather like Downton Abbey, which I knew, but since I was rationing episodes to savor the deliciousness of each....I finally watched all of seaso 3 and I am quite besotted!

I made Scott love Doc Martin!!!!!

I also made him love Project Runway even though he'd never admit it but he's kind of dragging his heels on the new Tim Gunn show.

I have a seizure disorder.  Nothing new huh?  Now it has a name though.  Simple partial seizures with secondary generalization.  That means I have baby seizures before I have the BIG one.  Or auras.  Whatever you call them they basically can be anything and for me, they often seem like am out-of-the-blue panic attack.  Which, I guess, is how the neurologist identified them as seizures.  My nurse practitioner asked yesterday how I keep them from becoming the BIG one.  I don't have any idea because unlike a panic attack I can't identify a trigger.  I think I should have said prayer helps keep the BIG ones at bay but sometimes even that doesn't reach G-d in time.

I love my kid more than anything in the world and my guilt over things I feel I am responsible for happening to him will never ever go away.  That guilt combines with grief and devastates me daily.  My nurse practitioner said I "seem" better.  I tried to explain how I feel and how day to day it can be so different.  Hour to hour.  Minute to minute.  Second to second.  She didn't understand.

Most people don't "get" epilepsy of depression.  They don't understand how it feels to be unable to drive, to determine ones adult life and comings and goings.  I am so grateful to have Scott who so lovingly cares for us.  I still can't help but miss an independent life.

I miss my Jewish practice.  It's been so unbelievably hard to face people, the world, everything.  I freak when I have to encounter something old, something new, something familiar or unfamiliar.  I fear people I know the most.  I like slithering through life knowing no one, being a nothing, being invisible.  Some people don't like that but I find comfort in it.  Still I miss my Jewish practice so this Friday I am trying to attend synagogue.  I have a choice between a synagogue I have never been to and one I used to be on the board of.  It's hard.

It's snowing and I hope we get a half foot.  I'd love to take Evan sledding but for now I have to settle for a daily walk in the neighborhood, Wii games and watching "Say Yes To The Dress", which he insists he doesn't like but which he sits and watches with me.

So...that is what I have discovered.  Not much I suppose in the grand scheme of things but it seems a whole lifetime almost for me.  And I try hard to keep climbing the ladder even though there are days I slip a few or many rungs...the point is I keep focused on the goal.

A snow, er, frigid cold day!!!!

I was granted a pass to stay in bed ALL day!  Of course, I could do this any day and sometimes I have to but it is especially delicious when I get permission.  It's like the proverbial "snow" day and I plan to enjoy it.

I was in a British kind of mood.  I went downstairs and made a cup of English breakfast tea and planned to have toast with orange marmalade.  Yes, that was until I couldn't get the lid off the orange marmalade.  This was probably G-d's way of saying Dollar Tree marmalade is sooo not worth it.

Next I came upstairs and turned the room pink with a little help from a Susan G. Komen pink lightbulb. I absolutely love it!!!  I lit a gingerbread candle and a sugar cookie candle and turned on Season 3 of Downton Abbey, took up the iPad which I usually leave to Scott now that he so wonderfully surprised me with an iPhone 5c for Christmas!!!!!, and started to blog.

I have to admit I am about ready to bring a box of tea, a contained of sugar and my electric kettle upstairs too but for now I will knit while I watch Season 3.  Incidentally Thomas is a real bulgar isn't he?

Baby, It's cold outside!

They are calling this a "flash freeze."  Scott, always the curmudgeon, thinks this is a made up term to generate more interest in the weather and to create sensationalism.  Maybe.  But I think it is actually very accurate.  Yesterday morning it was about 30F and this morning it's minus somewhere between 1 and 8. And then there's a 22mph wind.

That qualifies, in my little mind, as butt cold regardless of what you call it.

Welcome back!

Well, here we are...new day, new home.  Wordpress was making me insane.  So...I changed.

Today is Christmas Eve.  I am not sure how I feel.  Today Evan will go with his father for the day - about 7 hours.  He's a bit apprehensive but he also gaunt seen his father's family in ages and I know they want to be with him so I'm sure he will have a terrific time.

Of course it will be quiet here.  No more constant singing of the Grinch song anyway!

Scott and I plan a quiet evening.  He has to work until 5pm.  Ick.  But then there will be pizza and wine and then wrapping and finally, the return of Evan.  It's even supposed to snow!

Tomorrow will be warm and happy, cookie and gingerbread filled, and topped by dinner with Scott's kids and the grandkidlets.  I'm looking forward really.

I will say this though...I am Jewish and I am so done with this!  How do you guys stand two whole months of this heady excitement?!  I admit I have enjoyed it for the most part.  The Sirius channel with 40s Christmas music, the lights decorating the neighborhood, the cookies I have made.  But wow, I realized yesterday I was done.  Bring on New Years Eve already!

My next holiday is Tu B'Shvat and I am looking forward to it followed by Purim then Pesach (Passover).  I realize my life is focused on the sacred Jewish year and while I certainly wish my friends of other cultures and faiths joyous, solemn, happy holidays and festivals...I am ready again for my own.

I think after a year of deep depression that this is a big step.  I am recapturing my self, who I am deep down and working hard to reestablish that.  

I am Israeli too after all and that is imprinted deep on my neshama (soul).  G-d answered me when I cried oh so many years ago and for that I will always sing His praises.

Merry Christmas to my friends celebrating and thank you for letting me be a small part of your joy.